I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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