"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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