SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I could make wine with my vomit
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
