in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
