I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
