Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize