alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
