you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
