Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
