Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
