I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
