you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize