They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
