do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
