It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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