why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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