i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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