My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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