Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
