Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
