If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
