yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
