I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
