My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
