tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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