Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
