you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
