I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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