I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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