If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
