Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
