You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
