Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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