I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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