omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
