Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
pray to the hookup gods
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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