I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
