Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
