So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
