if i can run in heels then i can drive
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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