that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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