At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We're too hungover to prance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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