With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
