ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
