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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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