Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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