I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
