his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
