Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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