i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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