Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
