I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
