I'm so fucking centered right now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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