Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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