you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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