her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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