Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
