What tipped you off? The sombrero?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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