OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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