I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
