he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
