My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
