nut hugger
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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