You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
