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• (940): View more from Texas

  I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

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• (817): View more from Texas

  At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

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• (578): View more from

  You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.

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• (559): View more from California

  she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We can Fuck in the shower to save time

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower

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• (212): View more from New York

  I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  i've got three words. i. was. spanked.

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