i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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