I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
